passed out on friday. after giving blood.
i remember the darkness, though it wasn’t more than 10-20 seconds. i remember the cold comfort, thoughts running through an endless void of obscure scenery and at the same time - no thoughts at all.
sweet darkness.
i felt like i was departing from my own flesh for a single moment.

when falling, i hit my head pretty hard.
the physical distress i was feeling before passing out and the fact i felt helpless and couldn’t say anything or at least sit down and breathe has proven me how much my mind-body connection is deformed.

never ‘why’ / always ‘what for’.




4:42

7:44

7:04

xsrv819:

xsrv819:

ISSUE#1 of my Zine came out today. I will have a facebook page etc sorted soon.

a few copies left, you can order from here! http://beuh.bigcartel.com/product/becoming-everythin-you-hate-1

6:56

5:19

5:09

4:20

"the country is (now) like a devastated peasant society. You really have to go back to Europe and the black death in the fourteenth century to find anything similar: people are scared, angry, hostile, hate everything, don’t know what they hate, don’t have anybody else to talk to, just angry, desperate. There are cults all over the place at a scale that is unknown in any other society…the level of religious fundamentalism alone is probably the highest in the world…higher than Iran…not (just) the right; the left is the same…it’s just a dissolved society…the portent is ominous…the kind of a situation that, indeed, is reminiscent of Germany in the late 30’s…or Iran in the late 70’s."

8:55

after the alarm went off, i heard what seemed to be teenagers on the street yelling ‘death to arabs’ (in hebrew of course).

i was born into a butthole.
people are hating so badly they can’t tell they are suffering all-the-time.
i wonder how many people are being killed at the moment.

the gulf war started 34 days after i was born. august 2nd.
yes, i was less than 2 months old and already my whole existence was under threat.
the scud attacks started around january.
people were asked to stay inside their protected space / bomb shelter and wear gas masks because of the chemical weapon threat.
my mom tells me she spent so many hours and days inside the protected space,  she kept me inside of this baby-protection-facility because i was too small to wear a mask.
it was just her, my big brother and baby me.
my dad was in wars, he used to be a combat medic. i have no idea what kind of horrific things he must have seen over there.
i was born into this hell, this damned malicious hell.

no one deserves to be sentenced to a life full of hatred.

4:44
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